Holiday in Sitges Spain July 2008.

Partying at the Club Atlantida Sitges in Spain.

Time to post yet again another happy blog, for I'm working my last week at work before heading off to Sitges in Spain (next to Barcelona) with four of my gay male buddies from Newcastle (gay weh hey). They are fab guys, and what makes this even better is the knowledge that these guys are not in the least bit intested in me sexually, so can have a good laugh and time as any genetic born woman would with her gay male friends. The other advantage is you get lots of attention, and you get to camp it up as much as you like, lol. The pic of me in my baby pink fluffy clubbing outfit is basically as camp as it gets, and I had a fantastic night (and half of the next day) clubbing at the fab Club Atlantida in Sitges Spain last year. I'm going to do it all again this year minus my friend Steffi (also TS) this time round, so I very likely with be the only transgendered woman flawnting my stuff on the poduims this year. I think I may swap the rather warm fluffies for my very short white hotpants this year when going clubbing though.
Life lately has become more serious as the clubbing has taken a small side step, with surgeries looming, and me putting 200% into my job to get the guys at work fully on my side to help me weather the coming hard post operation months.
I likely only have about 7 months left to live life up as a T'girl before I go for my gender reasignment surgery, and in that time I will also have had my minor facial surgery on my forehead (Botox injections in my jaw line muscles and hair removal in the private parts area have already started). My view is that once such surgery is out of the way I can just get on with living life as a 'real as possible' woman, and I'll leave the T'girl stuff to all the up and coming pre-ops and Shemales. However, I fully intend on making the best of the remaining months and live the 'Alex T'girl' life up to the max.........so in other words, look out Spain, here I come!

Luv, Alex. x

A Happy Blog.

A Happy Blog.

I promissed my friend Natalie that I'd post a happy blog and she suggested I tell you the following situation that happened on Saturday night when me, Natalie, Mandy, and Lucy went to the Club Noir (pics just posted).I went to the toilets in the club with Mandy and got chatting to a few gorgeous girls all in sexy underwear while prining themselves in the mirror (I have to say if you are into women, this place is heaven). One lovely brunette started to chat away to me and Mandy and said, "I'm sure one of the women who just left was really a man", and I said, "That is very likely in this club". She said, "Yes, I have nothing against it, and when I was in Tailand I seen some really beautiful Ladyboys, and you just can't tell the difference these days", and I replied, "Yes, I know exactly what you mean, I struggle to tell the difference these days myself".Lol, Mandy and I had a good laugh at that, and to top it all off the woman was with her boyfriend, and I told them how gorgeous she was, and being into women myself, I could appreciate how lucky he was to have her as a girl friend. She told me she was flattered that a stunning blonde woman like me would fancy her and thanked me.So, all the crappy situations I've blogged lately about being read have been put in their place by this situation. I just can't work out why both extremes happen to me when I'm exactly the same person every day of my life. What is it some who see masculine in me, that a place full of gorgeous women don't see? Beats me......

Luv, Alex. x

Small Minded Views.

Small Minded Views:

The photo above had been taken at a private Burlesque party which I went to on Saturday with friends. The venue had been held in my local town of Falkirk, and the people who went had been typically every day straight couples from what I could tell. I have to admit I felt a bit self-conscious with rather gorgeous looking genetic born girls and woman around me and straight guys. I generally towered over the rest of the females there, and as usual it gets me noticed, and sadly that sometimes results in people noticing I look different to the average female, and as usual leads to the question about my gender. I tend to dress down when going to events that are not in the gay scene for that very reason, as I lessen the chance of being spotted that way. It is sad I have to do that though, as I love dressing up and getting involved as any other woman does at such events.
However, that experience had been nothing compared to the situation I had to face the next night out in a predominantly gay venue in Glasgow called the Polo Lounge. You would think gay people would be more open to difference, and be less opinionated by assuming they to have had to put up with a lot of social pressure and crap over the years. Well, sadly gay people can be just as bigoted as Mr and Mrs Straight, and have similar narrow minded views and opinions. A drunken Lesbian girl came over and sat beside me to chat me up having thought I was a genetic born female initially. She then looked closely at my face and said, "you're a guy"! I replied by saying I wasn't, to which she then replied with the same remark another 2 or 3 times to get her point across. This lead to her verbally abusing a few of my friends, and even accussing one of my genetic born female friends as being and man as well. Thankfully she got told where to go by my friend Natalie, and she went away.
I have to say that situation left me feeling deflated, and reinforced what I originally thought about me just not passing as a woman. That really does get me down folks. I love being who I am now, and cannot ever go back to leading a false male life ever again, but I need to do something about unaccepting strangers not seeing me as a woman instead a MAN. Why can't people just accept the fact that some women and men are just not born the right way so that the body and mind are not naturally matching each other? Why would these very same people fully accept that a woman born without a womb is still a woman, but because I who always felt exactly the same way as any woman has in life happened to be born with a penis am doomed to be seen as being a man for the rest of my life? If a man were to have his bits chopped off in an accident, no one expects him to all of a sudden be a woman, so why is the parts not all of a sudden applicable to him with regards to his gender in these people's eyes? Regardless as to what bits you have, or what features you have, the gender and essence of a person is determined by what is in your heart, mind, and soul. Why oh why are so many people restricted by the small boxes that males and female are placed within our society. Why is it so f**king hard for the narrow minded bigoted few of you to understand that I can still essencially be a woman even if I were not physically born as one? Even then if it is impossible for you to think outside of your tiny box, then why can't you just keep your opinionated trap shut and give me a break for once!?
Anyway, I've had enough of this and intend on trying to do something about it. There are some things about myself physically I can do nothing about, which includes height. However, I have deliberated long and hard on the facial aspect, and every time someone tries to work out whether I'm female or male, it is the face they continually look at to come up with a decision, so that is where I will start. Maybe I will also go for breast enlargement, but for now it has to be the face as a priority.
I have thought long and hard about who I should go to for advice on what it is about my looks that gives the game away, and I have never been keen to jump on the traditional TS bandwagon of flying over to the Tailand plastic surgeons. Instead last week I went to see a Brittish facial reconstruction surgeon who specialises in reconstructing facial deformaties. I'm so glad I did, because they looked at the best coarse of action for me allowing for the fact that I don't want my features and identity to change too much. I basically wanted the main areas to have the rough edges smoothed off and still be able to look in the mirror and see Alex looking back. I had my face photographed and scanned, and then the surgeon and consultant discussed the situation and gave me their opinions on what parts about me made me still look masculine. Surprisingly the main area of concern I had about my jaw line being too square was not the main one for the specialists. The scan clearly showed that the bulk is actually made up of muscle and not bone itself. He confirmed that he could not tell if the scan was one of a female or a male looking at the jaw bone line. They told me that a coarse of Botox injections into the muscles should waste them away enough to mean no surgery is required in that area. So good news in that department, which I have to say surprised me. The main area they felt would help make a difference would be on the forehead. I have a larger forehead than I'd like, and I also have a small cranial brow ridge that they say can be shaved. They also intend on raising the brow, and reducing the hairline slightly. No work will be getting done on my main features such as my eyes, cheek bones, mouth or nose, which I'm happy with as that is my main identity in my view. All of this is going to be done in 3 months time. The gender reasignment surgery will be the next one, which is expected at some point in the beginning of next year. If I decide to go down the breast surgery route, it will likely be around the end of next year.
So at last I have made my mind up about it, and I know my friends are not overly happy with the idea of me going for facial surgery, as they feel strongly that I don't need it. However, I feel I do, so there will be no more deliberation and moaning, I'm just going to get on with it. Should idiots like that Lesbian girl still reffer to me as being a man in the future, then at least I can say I've done all I can on the surgery front without going way over the top and making myself into one of those plastic and false looking TG Barbie look-a-likes.

Luv, Alex. x

Edited Transition Video on YouTube.

Edited Transition Video on YouTube.

Hi folks, I've just uploaded a video to YouTube, which is an edited version of the Transition video I showed here on the previous blog. It is much shorter, and is better quality as a result. The link is as follows:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=1Dkm2acWLpE
Alex. x

Transition.

Transition.

I have uploaded the video (sorry about the poor quality of the picture, but I had to compress it masively to be able to upload the file) above about a teenage transitioning transsexual girl I know, which has been compiled by Film students at the Cardonel college for awareness. I'm featured in the video as well, along with another TS woman. It is hoped the better quality DVD this had been compressed from will be used as an educational aid for young people at schools and colleges. I have also uploaded this at Myspace as well at the following link: http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=34692332

Hopefully the message still gets across even with the poor picture and sound quality?

Alex. x

Progression.

Progression.

Thought I would update you on the latest two blog entries, although I have to say having been on a high after seeing the surgeon, I seem to have went back into a low for some reason that I just can't put my finger on.
Anyway, I met Dr. Phil Thomas this week, and he was not exactly what I'd describe as the life and soul of a party. Still it is not his personality I'm bothered about, so long as his skills as a surgeon are good, he can have the worst people skills in the world for all I care, lol. After asking why I wanted the op done, telling me all the bad things that can go wrong with the surgery, and not to expect the perfect looking and functioning vagina to match any genetic born female, he got round to checking my bits out to see what could be done. Basically I don't have a big enough tinky winky to get the optimum depth, so he also has to use my scrotal sack to form my new vagina, which means I have to go for lengthy hair removal in that area(Thailand and Canada are the advantage here as you don't need to get hair removal done)........ouch ! The really ironic thing is that if I had been more of a man in the penis department, I'd make for a better vaginal formed female..........ironic twist or what?????? The hair removal will be a lengthy process, so it looks like the early part of next year will be the earliest I can get the op done in the UK. My only other option is to go abroad, but I really don't want to go down that route if I can help it. Overall though, I came away from the consultation feeling good, and confident that this is the right path for me to take. I do actually feel that I'm moving closer to closure in this transitional process, but still realise I have a lot to face yet until I exit the tunnel on my journey.
OK, why the feeling low part now then? Well, the good old image issues have raised their head again with me dispite my friends continually telling me how lucky I am on the looks department. I know many of you just can't see it, but I really do hate looking in the mirror and seeing the male in me looking back. So I think it is the thought of more surgery that is partly getting me down at the moment, and sadly the knowlege gained recently having met people on a dating basis (not friends as they are fab) who are only interested in me as a sexual 'chick with a dick' fantasy. That really is getting me down, and although after the SRS op I will suddenly stop al these guys contacting me with likely no interest anymore, I am actually looking forward to it. I'd rather be alone than attract that kind of attention anymore. My friends are my friends because they just are happy for me to be me and are not interested in what I am.......why oh why can't I have a sexual partner that also thinks that way????

Alex. x

(The pic is taken with my brother, and is not related to this blog in any way other than to try and remind myself that I'm lucky to have the support of my family, and does help when low points set in)

Assumptions And Steriotypes.

Assumptions and Steriotypes.

Before I get onto the main topic and point of this blog entry, I need to get something off my chest that had been said to me the other day on MSN by a bigoted twat, which also funny enough is related to my previous blog on my proposed SRS surgery. Some guy who I added on MSN but didn't know (had a normal name and non sexual ID, so risked adding him), must have liked what he seen in my profile pic and thought I'd be worth having on his friends list. He must have got round to reading my profile, and then the penny dropped that I am a TS. Guys like this who have an issue are usually closet gay men with major issues, so in true to form fashion he sent me a crass and to the point opinionated message. He said, "If you are born with a dick you are always a man, no matter how much surgery you have". I will not get into the extremely rude reply I gave him before I blocked him, but sadly it highlights exactly the view many out there in public have of TS's. Yes, I accept not everyone thinks that way, and thankfully those who do tend to agree with his point of view do tend to be less vocal and in your face about it, so he is basically a twat that is not to be listened to by transitioning women. Basically in some people's eyes I will always be a man, purely because I had physically been born that way. If anyone reading this is sitting on the fence with no real opinions on what makes a man and woman, take it from me, if you had to live your life as me from a child in a male body when the mind is continually telling you that you are female, you need to know that a penis does not make the man!

Moving onto another issue relating to the title of this blog, I will stay a little longer on my soap box to get something else off my chest. Now, I suppose it is very easy for people looking in from the outside to judge and classify all TG's as being the same, and indeed looking for the same things in life. I thought this a no brainer myself, but it would seem I have to point out we are actually all individuals, and just because we happen to be transgendered to varying degrees, we do not all seek the same things in life. However, looking through the Net, you could be forgiven for thinking we are either pre or post op TS's or Crossdressers who are having shagging fests with male, females, and in-betweenies left right and centre. Yes, sadly that does go on, and even more sadly is free to see on the Net for all of society to judge us all by whether fair or not. It doesn't help when the Tranny who swears blind to all he is a straight man who dresses and fits in nicely into the statistics that say most TV's are straight, is actually getting rodgered by men behind his wife's back while femme (being femme makes it right of course..........does it not?????).

Anyway, to get to the point. I have been contacted over the years many a time by guys who are into Transgendered people, and by that I mean men who like part time TV's as well as pre and post op TS's. Most of these guys say they are straight because they don't like men sexually. So it is easier for them when a TV dresses as a woman, or better still a TS because she is a little closer to the female end of the scale in his mind. Now it is common for them to say we are more feminine than the average genetic born woman, and that I can relate to, because I think social conditioning can make woman lose a degree of femininity over time. However, I do very much think the fantasy element of the 'Chic with a Dick', is what most of these guys seek. So nothing wrong with that if that is what they seek, and is not something I will judge either. Each to their own, and what ever floats your boat and all that jazz. My point, and I am trying to get there, is that I am not any of what you seek. I in my own mind am purely a woman who happened to be physically born as a male, who is trying to correct a wrong, and hopefully will eventually after surgery end up finding a soulmate in a straight man who is not into transgendered people, but is also open minded and accepting enough to accept me as the woman I am. I do think such a man is a very rare breed indeed, but I live in hope that by not falling into the trap of accepting anyone who shows interest in me, that he will one day in the future turn up in my life.

So please do me a great favour guys (and the few women who think the same way), don't bother contacting me, because you will not get what you seek from me. There are thousands of TG's out there who can give you what you want, But this woman is NOT one of them!

Luv (to the right person), Alex. xxx