Small Minded Views.

Small Minded Views:

The photo above had been taken at a private Burlesque party which I went to on Saturday with friends. The venue had been held in my local town of Falkirk, and the people who went had been typically every day straight couples from what I could tell. I have to admit I felt a bit self-conscious with rather gorgeous looking genetic born girls and woman around me and straight guys. I generally towered over the rest of the females there, and as usual it gets me noticed, and sadly that sometimes results in people noticing I look different to the average female, and as usual leads to the question about my gender. I tend to dress down when going to events that are not in the gay scene for that very reason, as I lessen the chance of being spotted that way. It is sad I have to do that though, as I love dressing up and getting involved as any other woman does at such events.
However, that experience had been nothing compared to the situation I had to face the next night out in a predominantly gay venue in Glasgow called the Polo Lounge. You would think gay people would be more open to difference, and be less opinionated by assuming they to have had to put up with a lot of social pressure and crap over the years. Well, sadly gay people can be just as bigoted as Mr and Mrs Straight, and have similar narrow minded views and opinions. A drunken Lesbian girl came over and sat beside me to chat me up having thought I was a genetic born female initially. She then looked closely at my face and said, "you're a guy"! I replied by saying I wasn't, to which she then replied with the same remark another 2 or 3 times to get her point across. This lead to her verbally abusing a few of my friends, and even accussing one of my genetic born female friends as being and man as well. Thankfully she got told where to go by my friend Natalie, and she went away.
I have to say that situation left me feeling deflated, and reinforced what I originally thought about me just not passing as a woman. That really does get me down folks. I love being who I am now, and cannot ever go back to leading a false male life ever again, but I need to do something about unaccepting strangers not seeing me as a woman instead a MAN. Why can't people just accept the fact that some women and men are just not born the right way so that the body and mind are not naturally matching each other? Why would these very same people fully accept that a woman born without a womb is still a woman, but because I who always felt exactly the same way as any woman has in life happened to be born with a penis am doomed to be seen as being a man for the rest of my life? If a man were to have his bits chopped off in an accident, no one expects him to all of a sudden be a woman, so why is the parts not all of a sudden applicable to him with regards to his gender in these people's eyes? Regardless as to what bits you have, or what features you have, the gender and essence of a person is determined by what is in your heart, mind, and soul. Why oh why are so many people restricted by the small boxes that males and female are placed within our society. Why is it so f**king hard for the narrow minded bigoted few of you to understand that I can still essencially be a woman even if I were not physically born as one? Even then if it is impossible for you to think outside of your tiny box, then why can't you just keep your opinionated trap shut and give me a break for once!?
Anyway, I've had enough of this and intend on trying to do something about it. There are some things about myself physically I can do nothing about, which includes height. However, I have deliberated long and hard on the facial aspect, and every time someone tries to work out whether I'm female or male, it is the face they continually look at to come up with a decision, so that is where I will start. Maybe I will also go for breast enlargement, but for now it has to be the face as a priority.
I have thought long and hard about who I should go to for advice on what it is about my looks that gives the game away, and I have never been keen to jump on the traditional TS bandwagon of flying over to the Tailand plastic surgeons. Instead last week I went to see a Brittish facial reconstruction surgeon who specialises in reconstructing facial deformaties. I'm so glad I did, because they looked at the best coarse of action for me allowing for the fact that I don't want my features and identity to change too much. I basically wanted the main areas to have the rough edges smoothed off and still be able to look in the mirror and see Alex looking back. I had my face photographed and scanned, and then the surgeon and consultant discussed the situation and gave me their opinions on what parts about me made me still look masculine. Surprisingly the main area of concern I had about my jaw line being too square was not the main one for the specialists. The scan clearly showed that the bulk is actually made up of muscle and not bone itself. He confirmed that he could not tell if the scan was one of a female or a male looking at the jaw bone line. They told me that a coarse of Botox injections into the muscles should waste them away enough to mean no surgery is required in that area. So good news in that department, which I have to say surprised me. The main area they felt would help make a difference would be on the forehead. I have a larger forehead than I'd like, and I also have a small cranial brow ridge that they say can be shaved. They also intend on raising the brow, and reducing the hairline slightly. No work will be getting done on my main features such as my eyes, cheek bones, mouth or nose, which I'm happy with as that is my main identity in my view. All of this is going to be done in 3 months time. The gender reasignment surgery will be the next one, which is expected at some point in the beginning of next year. If I decide to go down the breast surgery route, it will likely be around the end of next year.
So at last I have made my mind up about it, and I know my friends are not overly happy with the idea of me going for facial surgery, as they feel strongly that I don't need it. However, I feel I do, so there will be no more deliberation and moaning, I'm just going to get on with it. Should idiots like that Lesbian girl still reffer to me as being a man in the future, then at least I can say I've done all I can on the surgery front without going way over the top and making myself into one of those plastic and false looking TG Barbie look-a-likes.

Luv, Alex. x