Small Minded Views.

Small Minded Views:

The photo above had been taken at a private Burlesque party which I went to on Saturday with friends. The venue had been held in my local town of Falkirk, and the people who went had been typically every day straight couples from what I could tell. I have to admit I felt a bit self-conscious with rather gorgeous looking genetic born girls and woman around me and straight guys. I generally towered over the rest of the females there, and as usual it gets me noticed, and sadly that sometimes results in people noticing I look different to the average female, and as usual leads to the question about my gender. I tend to dress down when going to events that are not in the gay scene for that very reason, as I lessen the chance of being spotted that way. It is sad I have to do that though, as I love dressing up and getting involved as any other woman does at such events.
However, that experience had been nothing compared to the situation I had to face the next night out in a predominantly gay venue in Glasgow called the Polo Lounge. You would think gay people would be more open to difference, and be less opinionated by assuming they to have had to put up with a lot of social pressure and crap over the years. Well, sadly gay people can be just as bigoted as Mr and Mrs Straight, and have similar narrow minded views and opinions. A drunken Lesbian girl came over and sat beside me to chat me up having thought I was a genetic born female initially. She then looked closely at my face and said, "you're a guy"! I replied by saying I wasn't, to which she then replied with the same remark another 2 or 3 times to get her point across. This lead to her verbally abusing a few of my friends, and even accussing one of my genetic born female friends as being and man as well. Thankfully she got told where to go by my friend Natalie, and she went away.
I have to say that situation left me feeling deflated, and reinforced what I originally thought about me just not passing as a woman. That really does get me down folks. I love being who I am now, and cannot ever go back to leading a false male life ever again, but I need to do something about unaccepting strangers not seeing me as a woman instead a MAN. Why can't people just accept the fact that some women and men are just not born the right way so that the body and mind are not naturally matching each other? Why would these very same people fully accept that a woman born without a womb is still a woman, but because I who always felt exactly the same way as any woman has in life happened to be born with a penis am doomed to be seen as being a man for the rest of my life? If a man were to have his bits chopped off in an accident, no one expects him to all of a sudden be a woman, so why is the parts not all of a sudden applicable to him with regards to his gender in these people's eyes? Regardless as to what bits you have, or what features you have, the gender and essence of a person is determined by what is in your heart, mind, and soul. Why oh why are so many people restricted by the small boxes that males and female are placed within our society. Why is it so f**king hard for the narrow minded bigoted few of you to understand that I can still essencially be a woman even if I were not physically born as one? Even then if it is impossible for you to think outside of your tiny box, then why can't you just keep your opinionated trap shut and give me a break for once!?
Anyway, I've had enough of this and intend on trying to do something about it. There are some things about myself physically I can do nothing about, which includes height. However, I have deliberated long and hard on the facial aspect, and every time someone tries to work out whether I'm female or male, it is the face they continually look at to come up with a decision, so that is where I will start. Maybe I will also go for breast enlargement, but for now it has to be the face as a priority.
I have thought long and hard about who I should go to for advice on what it is about my looks that gives the game away, and I have never been keen to jump on the traditional TS bandwagon of flying over to the Tailand plastic surgeons. Instead last week I went to see a Brittish facial reconstruction surgeon who specialises in reconstructing facial deformaties. I'm so glad I did, because they looked at the best coarse of action for me allowing for the fact that I don't want my features and identity to change too much. I basically wanted the main areas to have the rough edges smoothed off and still be able to look in the mirror and see Alex looking back. I had my face photographed and scanned, and then the surgeon and consultant discussed the situation and gave me their opinions on what parts about me made me still look masculine. Surprisingly the main area of concern I had about my jaw line being too square was not the main one for the specialists. The scan clearly showed that the bulk is actually made up of muscle and not bone itself. He confirmed that he could not tell if the scan was one of a female or a male looking at the jaw bone line. They told me that a coarse of Botox injections into the muscles should waste them away enough to mean no surgery is required in that area. So good news in that department, which I have to say surprised me. The main area they felt would help make a difference would be on the forehead. I have a larger forehead than I'd like, and I also have a small cranial brow ridge that they say can be shaved. They also intend on raising the brow, and reducing the hairline slightly. No work will be getting done on my main features such as my eyes, cheek bones, mouth or nose, which I'm happy with as that is my main identity in my view. All of this is going to be done in 3 months time. The gender reasignment surgery will be the next one, which is expected at some point in the beginning of next year. If I decide to go down the breast surgery route, it will likely be around the end of next year.
So at last I have made my mind up about it, and I know my friends are not overly happy with the idea of me going for facial surgery, as they feel strongly that I don't need it. However, I feel I do, so there will be no more deliberation and moaning, I'm just going to get on with it. Should idiots like that Lesbian girl still reffer to me as being a man in the future, then at least I can say I've done all I can on the surgery front without going way over the top and making myself into one of those plastic and false looking TG Barbie look-a-likes.

Luv, Alex. x

Transvestite Wives and The Real Mrs Doubtfire.

Transvestite Wives and The Real Mrs Doubtfire.

I've had one hell of a busy time at work this week with new projects starting all over the UK at the same time which I am managing. Last night I had time to relax with a couple of bottles of wine in one of my hotels and a nice meal and girly chat with one of our Designers. She is not the Designer I confided in before I came out as being TS, and infact based on the fab conversations we had that night, I really do not think she has a clue I'm TS. Stark contrast from a few weeks ago when two guys were tryting to work out what gender I was........I still don't get why some people get it and others don't. Tonight (Friday), I got back home and rested in front of the tellyvision, and relaxed while watching two programs that came on after each other called Transvestite Wives, and then The Real Mrs Doubtfire. Watching those programs and relating to experiences I've had of late and over the years has inspired me to yet again type away my thoughts on my PC.
Firstly the Transvestite Wives actually hearted me to see honest Trannies and their wives stand up to society and be proud and honest to show society who they were. I also held a lot of admiration for the wives who had the guts to hang onto the person they loved no matter what the neighbours or family member thought. Fantastic, and I take my hat off to them, because you could clearly see the ridicule some of the general public were giving them as they walked through the streets. I never have to face anything like that, so in a way I have it easier when I go about my every day business, and I realise just how lucky I am.
The second program got my back up more so, because it had been about a pre-op Transsexual who had become a Nanny, and decided that no one had the right to know anything about her past. Without going into too much detail, she basically had been accused by the parents of trying to kidnap the children, and the press had got hold of the truth about her past and made a field day out of the whole thing. Reading between the lines, it looked to me that the 'Trailer Trash' parents had made the whole thing up to hide the truth about them fighting and taking money off the Nanny to live, and made her out to be a weirdo criminal who ended up being witch hunted. All sorts of moral high ground had been highlighted, and again it opened up my wobbly thought pattern on deciding whether it is best to be honest from the beginning about being TS or not. Every single TS living in stealth is in theory setting themselves up to being found out, and people they know as a result turning on them for being dishonest. I found it sad the way the press and general public referred to her as being a dishonest man. Why oh why can TS's just not be allowed to live their lives the way they want and as the gender they say they are? Why do people feel they have the right to know any different? It is all so very very wrong in my view to ridicule and hate someone for not telling the world that they had been born physically in the other gender. My thoughts at present are to tell those I deal with on a regular basis that I'm TS, but as is the case with the Designer I had a fab time with and am getting to know better and liking as a result, I elected not to tell her. I loved the fact that she doesn't know or suspect, and is treating me as a fellow female.........but is that dishonesty, and will she see it that way as well if she finds out later from someone else? It is a tough one isn't it?.
I've gone through a mountain of emotions, ups and downs, and experiences that very few people ever could dream of having in their lifetime. I did the typical male macho thing to hide who I really was most of my life, to going through the typical Tranny stage of finding and understanding myself, to backing away from the transgendered scene, to get to where I am today. I'm becoming more balanced, and at one with myself as time goes on, and I no longer feel I can't do anything in this world as the new female Alex. I also can be in anyone's company without worrying about how it reflects on me, so be the company male, female, fellow TS's, TV's, gays, straights, whatever........I just do not give a shit what people then think about me as a result.......I'm just me now.
The pic above had been taken of me and a fab girl called Natalie who I met by chance at the Polo Lounge in Glasgow. The club is a well known gay bar/lounge/club which is also seen as a safe heaven for TG's. It has been years since I last went there, and did so back then as a Tranny. This time I went with a GG friend of mine, and had a totally fab and un-inhibited un-opinionated night with some fab characters. My life is now becoming a hugely enriched existance with people seeing the true me, and I can genuinely say that much as this transitional journey is no walk in the park with many a hurdle to cross...........I've never been so happy to be ME.

Luv, Alex. x